WMC, Netherlands – Band Worries

Dear Flowers of the world,

After all that conviction in the previous post, I’ve finally decided to write a post. Hahaha. I guess it takes a lot of mixed feelings and other feels to get motivated to write something.

Background story: I’ve had a 3 months long summer break and because I didn’t want to waste my life rotting my brain from k-dramas, manga, anime blah blah blah, your truly have decided to join my schools wind symphony. Honestly, I didn’t think I’d be joining the wind symposium again for the rest of my life after 6 years but well, look where I’m at -_- I guess I was enticed by the fact that they were going Europe (specially Netherlands) for a Band Competition. Sigh, Netherlands sounds too good for me. I was initially pretty hesitant cause I’ve not touched my saxophone for a year and in musician time, that is very long. One year can simply make one super rusty and my rhythm was all out of place. However, I decided that I was going to work hard and hopefully my efforts will add up after 3 months before we fly off for the competition. Furthermore, they were in need for sax players so why not right? Hahaha.

Now, 3 months has passed. I’ve just ended my last practice before flying off (which will be in 3 days time). I’m having so many mixed feelings now because:

  1. It’s the last practice before flying off and as much effort I’ve placed in, I’ll never feel fully prepared.
  2. I totally screwed up this practice.

I think it’s normal for anyone to feel like 1, but oh my mamalalashakalala. 2 makes me feel TERRIBLE.

Why?

  1. I got darting glare from my section leader and president.
  2. In some way, for people who knew, I just hope they don’t lose they confidence in the band just because a tenor sax player screwed up.
  3. (Important) I wouldn’t mind if my mistakes affected me but playing in a band is a teamwork thing. My mistakes are going to affect others and I do not feel good about this at all.
  4. (Important) I hated myself that moment. I’ve worked so hard not to screw up my parts but I let my feeling, nerves and emotions get the better of me and screwed things up.

Yes, I may seem to be a little to over emotional and dramatic for a last practice but that’s how I am when I dedicate(‘dedicate’ does not seem to be the right word to use but whatever, hopefully you’ll get my drift) myself to do something. I’ve got to do this right. I hate letting people down and especially myself.

Penning (more like typing but whatever) all this down, I just want to clear all my thoughts and bring about a new flow of determination, motivation and confidence. I’m thankful this isn’t the real deal. I still have the chance to make up for my mistake and hopefully not let anyone down. Sidenote: my prez cried while giving his speech at the end and that made me feel even more terrible crap.

Gosh. I’m so nervous for this competition. I don’t need to win. I just don’t want this to be a bad experience and ruin my confidence in playing in the future. While spending these 3 months practicing, I’ve met so many inspirational people. I lost my interest and drive to make music for over a year and talking to these people (special mention to one of my section mate), I just want to push myself back into some sort of music scene. Somewhere deep within me I know I would love to confidently play on my saxophone again. The courage within me is slowly being pulled out but it will first take the confidence in the upcoming competition for me to be firm on my resolution.

Whew. I see I too can be reflective at times. Hahaha.

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I’m back

P1010750
Taken by yours truly in Miyajima Island, Hiroshima ❤

Hello flowers of the world,

it has been 2 years since I’ve updated my blog. How consistent of me. I’m looking back at one of my previous of an empty promise of my review of Art Stage Singapore 2015. Hahaha. I love how 2015 me tried to cope with A level stress by putting up an artsy fartsy influencer act.

The past 2 years has been nothing but hectic for me. I totally forgot about the existence of this blog until I chanced upon a close friend’s blog. Reading through her recent post kind of made something click within me. I’ve just end my 2nd freshman semester of University and for the past 5 months, I’ve always found something amiss about myself. I’m not good at expressing my feelings but it simply felt like I’ve lost something within me. Perhaps it’s my past terrible love experience that has made me lose a part of my emotions. I don’t know. However, my recent trip with my friends to Japan felt really healing. Well, I didn’t really heal from that trip but the wonderful friends that surrounded me made me realise the power of reflection. Yes it’s kind of silly but ever since academics, bad love experience and new school got in the way, I just forgot how to reflect on things. My friend’s blog reminded me how I’d used to do that here. I’d run away from my terrible reality, pretend I’m some artsy person with ‘talent’, dream and reflect on life.

Thus, since I’m on summer vacation (I shall put all my other projects aside for now cause the procrastinator side of me will never CHANGE), I’ve decided to try reviving this blog and yea, just be more reflective on life again. So just like some of my post, here are some things I’d wanna see myself thinking/reflecting about… (Sidenote: I somehow cant believe I’m doing this at the age of 20 oh my mama. I should be finding a job)

  1. Japan 2017 (pretentious artsy me would also like to brag about my ‘awesome’ photo-taking skills lolol)
  2. Korean class/K-drama/K-variety (your girl still going strong with that k-anything craze yoooo)
  3. Orbital (Some programming project I’m doing just because I’m a loser at programming and this project is like constipation – you have shit in you that you wanna get out but you just cant shit it out)
  4. Love (ah, very touchy topic and might not even breathe a word on this but who know?)

Yeap, so hwaiting to me and let’s hope I keep up with the posting and this isn’t some crappy empty promise like Art Stage Singapore 2015.

(Sidenote: reading my old posts as I type this. Cant believe I’m saying this but I was one hella hilarious teenager haha)

Confuse 

Hello flowers of the world,

Gosh it’s been ages since I’ve written a post due to my jam pack schedule of nothing but band and studies. I’m feeling really down and confuse today, and these emotions and driven me to blogging. 

For the first time in forever, I failed my maths. Well, I kinda excepted that seeing how I did close to little to revise it but one can’t help but feel disappointed at the same time. I got into a blank pointless argument with my mother, to which I ended up bawling my eyes out for no reason. :/ The details of the argument was to random and confusing so I can’t bring myself to remember what exactly happened or why did we even fought that night. I had to turn to my only bud my sister simply for a listening ear and to someone I can run to, regardless who was at fault. Well, she was pretty much the worse choice and it got my mind shattered because there wasn’t anyone I could really turn to. My friends are out of the question. My dad seems to think that my emotions can wait for him to be done with his work and then obediently act up again. ꒰๑´•◠ • `๑꒱

Sigh and now I’m asked to apologise for something I have no idea what to be sorry for and for giving the cold shoulders the past few days. Why are there so many miscommunications among us all? I simply stated silent after the fight because I didn’t know how to face my parents and how should I act. My sis simply said to just focus on your studies and that’s what I did. I didn’t bother cracking my head on what should I say after a rather stormy (at least to me) fight.

“How’s work?” – 😐 

Now my sister thinks I’m retarded for following whatever she said word for word. Well I’m sorry but I really don’t know how to deal with such situations anymore. Unlike you my dear sister, I don’t get into heated arguements with my parents so often. 

Regarding the apology, I don’t really mind apologising if it means that we will all be in good terms but this time, I really want to know what am I apologising for. I know I may sound annoyingly stubborn saying that but I really do mean it. If it’s regarding me not being concern about me putting in for effort in the future but having more worried about what my parents would think, I don’t know I didn’t make things clear enough that night but I AM concern about my results and determind to work hard. However, who says I can’t worry about more than one shizzz? My mom is a real sweet lady but moms are still moms and I’ll always have a fear of them. That’s a fact. If my mom is angry that I had told my friends about me being scared of her, thus leaving a bad impression of her on my friends, then I’m truly sorry. I’ll be careful with what I say in the future. 

The Will of Fire

Hello flowers of the world,

Today will be blogging on my phone cause I think touching the computer again will cause my to lose control and start browsing through YouTube aimlessly (as usual). It’s 1.06am on 26 January 2015 here and I think I’ve finally lost of it – the will of fire. I can’t seem to motivate myself to press on the revise and study ꒰๑´•◠ • `๑꒱ The worst part of all is that I’ll still have 8 more months to endure and I’m already losing it. I’ve literally wasted my weekends sleeping and browsing through the Internet. Everyone have been telling me, encouraging me to work hard and doing whatever they can to support me but really, something in me is just melting away. Yes yes, call me dramatic the feeling is real – I LITERALLY feel like I’m melting away.

Urgh it’s so frustrating. I really WANT to put in my best effort, take every moment to study, do more than what’s expected but I’m stopping myself for some unknown reason I can’t explain. I mean I’m not burnt out yet for sure, so what the mama is wrong is me? Jeez, I’m just scratching my head and feeling confused now. To add on to my burden, I’m suffering from perpetual coughing for nearly a week and it’s not going away at all. Please, anything but to die as a coughing loser 🙏🙏🙏 Sigh now I have to figure out how to clear all the back log (I think this is the right term) work I’ve accumulated over the weekend in 2 days (that’s the most I’m willing to give myself). 😪 Sigh I think I’m just giving my self more trouble.

P.S Likely gonna do a blog on my fruitful experience at Art Stage Singapore 2015 (which will hopefully be up in 2 weeks time 😅)

Thailand Part 2

Sawadeeka~

Hmm according to my schedule, I’m suppose to be writing an English essay, do up one economics essay and complete all my homework. Well, I’ve NONE of the above and just keep my sentence structure from breaking down (such excuses urgh), I shall end my Thailand blog once and for all.

Okay, so has been almost 1 month since the Thailand trip and wow, I’ve completely forgotten everything. Well let’s just start off with the oh so posh Siam Paragon. Actually to be more precise, literally the whole of Siam is pretty posh so yea, great place to go for high end shopping and lovely pretty cafe/good food.

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A rather sunset looking Siam Paragon. Well it was evening by then so yea..

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Proud photo I took while walking from Siam to Chitlom.

Personally, I’m not a very high end shopper (Chatuchak Market is the way to go!) and I don’t really have my own income so Siam aint really a place for me but it’s a real nice place to go! There’s an aquarium and a wax Museum (Madam Tussauds I think) here which I thought was pretty interesting. I mean I didn’t go but I REALLY REALLY WANT TO.

Food here is like WOW. One dessert cafe we’d always go to was AFTER YOU

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TAADAAA! LOOK AT THAT!

I mean I’m always on a diet (a terribly failed diet) but this was just so tempting!!! ❤ The milk toast with vanilla ice-cream (right) is one of the more popular choices but I personally like the pancake one better (left). The pancake is sweet and has a tinge of softness from the fluffy little pancake which just melts in your mouth.

♡( ᵕ̤ૢᴗᵕ̤ૢ )♡

Totally edible even after a full course lunch/dinner (ok, maybe preferably shared with friends haha)

Another high end place I would recommend is CENTRAL WORLD. 2014 was probably the first time I went there. Shopping there is pretty good- there’s Forever 21, Zara, ESP and more branded shops. I wasn’t really there to shop. In fact, the only reason I went to central world was for dinner. I was recommended by my bud to try out at this place call NARA. 

OH. MY. MAMALALASHAKALALA.

I’M IN LOVE.

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MY LOVELY NARA FOOD.

FLOWERS JUST LOOK AT THAT. Oh my mama, I just want to go back to eat the chicken, the olive rice, the chill curry, the green curry, the egg pancake thingy and the blue herbal rice. ♡( ᵕ̤ૢᴗᵕ̤ૢ )♡ STRONGLY RECOMMENDING THIS PLACE FLOWERS. I’M JUST WOWED BY THE FOOD. 

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Me acting a little retarded after dinner hehehe

Ahem anyways, I think that’s probably about it for places to go. As for my hotel, I just love the fact that it’s next to the MRT and BTS, which makes traveling much easier. I was traveling in a group of 4 so finding a tuktuk that could fit 4 was a little tough (we didn’t want to spilt into 2 tuktuks).

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Grande Centre Point at Sukhumvit

Really convenient place to live in. If you’re feeling lazy to travel too far out but still dying to shop, fear not cause there’s a popular big mall just next door – Terminal 21! Seriously, the mall is connected to the hotel so it’s real easy to walk about. There’s really nice massaging parlors nearby too like Lotus Flower and Health Land. The hotel’s morning buffet is delicious too and the view from our hotel is pretty nice 🙂

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My morning view ♡( ᵕ̤ૢᴗᵕ̤ૢ )♡

Well phew, I’ve come to the end of my Thailand blogging. Hehehe hopefully I can blog about awesome trips at the end of the year 😉

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Flight back with my Big Bang Oppas ♡( ᵕ̤ૢᴗᵕ̤ૢ )♡

Que Sera Sera

Hello Flowers of the world!

Wow it’s 13 Jan of 2015 and my second (or third hmm…) blog of 2015! 🎆 🎆 🎆

Hehehe school has been alright SO FAR BUT I have to say – DONT EVER PROCRASTINATE GUYS. Oh my mama, thanks to me not doing like 75% of my holiday work, I’ve been up till 2am in the morning trying to get everything done *cries* and I have to mama wake up at like 6am 😭 😭 😭

I has only been 13 days through 2015 but I’m totally feeling the pressure of A levels. That’s the good thing cause I wouldn’t want to be laid back procrastinate THAT. Wow my whole world will crumble if I do crappy for that exam.

Well, although everything has been alright so far, I do have something stuck in my head – my future. I remember I did post about my dreams and so called ambitions but seriously, I technically have only a year to decide on what course I’d wanna take in university. 1 year aint enough yo. Beside trying to get good grades I starting to get chased but my sensei about my university and course I wanna get into. I’ve thinking about this for quite a while and I’ve kind of conclude (as for now) what I would like to do. Well, at least what I’m interested in.

I’m terrified of telling my family about this cause I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t expect me to even consider these courses – Architecture or Industrial Design. Honestly, I’m most worried that my sis will find out about this. Let me just clarify this first but I’m not fully sure of what students of these courses are expected to do or know but I  just have this impression that they’re suppose to be artsy and creative – two areas I’m not very confident about. 😦 In addition, between me and my sister, my sister is WAY WAY WAY better at all these artsy stuff than me but she’s majoring in sociology. Thus, I feel like its totally wrong for me trying to aim for such courses. I mean my sister would have been a much better choice then me. If I do get into one of these courses, I’m just worried I won’t be able to be as good as my sister’s natural beauty and studying these courses would just be a waste of my effort 😦 If I don’t get into these courses, I’m pretty sure my parents would be like ‘You see darling, you’re just not fit for such courses.’

I know its nothing big but it kind of hurts to be told in the face that you suck/not good at what you like or have interest in.

Sigh, I’m already getting put off with my imagination and so called inaccurate predictions of ‘what my _____ would say’. Urgh, but I have to say, I felt much better when I found out one of my classmate was thinking of a future in interior designing. I’m not that close to him but I made me realize something – what you are now won’t decide what you are tomorrow. Ok, so I guess this is quite a DUH thing but it just felt comforting knowing about this. ☺️☺️☺️ I kind of gave that little boost of trying out to chase this little dream of mine.

Oh wells, que sera sera 💁

Side Note: Part 2 of my thailand trip will be out the next time I can blog, which might be 1 -2 weeks time? Hehehe 😅

Mindless Game

Hello Flowers of the world,

it’s 2am in the morning and I can’t sleep. To make matters worse, I’ve got to wake up at 6am. This has been going on for quite a while and with school reopening in a few days time, my insomnia (or what I believe it is) is getting worse. The thing is, I believe this insomnia of mine is cause my procrastination. Really, I think up to this date ALL MY BLOGS have been talking about me procrastinating or me blogging cause I’m procrastinating something else. I feel like all my work is being back logged and it’s killing me. What’s killing me even more is that I KNOW THIS BUT I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING. Even if I do something about it, my actions are too mama slow. It tires me to see myself as a motionless snail. Now I’m having insomnia cause I can’t sleep knowing I have so much to do and going out just for dinner makes me feel bad. Stepping out of the house knowing that I have work to do at home makes me feel bad. Texting my friend makes me feel bad. Again, the worst of all is that I know it too well but I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING. Sigh, I’ve let so many people down – friends, parents, teachers.

If anyone have any idea how to solve this crappy procrastination of mine, please do comment 🙂  Le me shall just try to get some work done now… 😦

Bad Start 2015

Hello Flowers of the world!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Urgh it’s finally the start of the dreadful 2015. Just went everyone is starting out well happy and fun, I for one am miserable. Jeez, I’m in this mind of mind where I’m some kind of drama mama thinking that I have depression. I don’t want to come out of my house (which I’ve cooped in for about 2 weeks ish) and be greeted by everyone who is prepared to move onwards in life and dive into 2015. I don’t want to meet my teachers and face the all the crap I need to do. I don’t even want to get out of my sit to eat.

Oh dear. I think I’m becoming a legit 21th century kid.

21th Century Kid  :/21&*edn^/

slang

to describe a character that is a fusion of a NEET (no in employer, education or training), FREETER and someone who is starting to doubt life from a mamalalashakalala perspective

Yes, as you can see, le me is starting 2015 with a very bad note. My house is starting to feel uncomfortable, the body feels sloggy and my brain is withering away. I don’t even know what mama lemons non sense I’m talking about. I have tons of unfinished work due in a few days time but instead I’m blogging and not physically going to do it. The work seriously like just in front of me but for some mama reason I just can’t bring myself to do. Sometimes I wonder maybe going out for air would help in my concentration but I feel so awfully bad cause that time I used to exercise could be used to do work.

Urgh. Work. I really like to blame it on some rare disorder but honestly, it’s just my lazy side losing control. Ending this with a *face palm*

Side Note: Haha, the disorder part reminded me of how I used to claim that I had split personality disorder so I could have some sort of legit reason to suddenly burst into anger at my sister. Sigh, I was young and dumb then… oh wait, I think I still am (._.)

The last of 2014

Hello Flowers of the world,

Yup. It’s finally the last day of the year 2014 (well, in the case of Asia) and it will too be my last blog of 2014 too. So much has happened in 2014 for me. New school, new friends, new subjects and a whole new experience in life. I experienced my first time in a co-ed school, experienced my first horror movie in a cinema (make that 2), had my first karaoke session (make that 4) and had my first barbecue. Of course life has its ups and down like bad grades and all but all in all, 2014 was a real joyful year for me.

Sometimes I like to look back and wonder what I could have done to make 2014 more fruitful. Studying harder is definitely in the list together with time management but really, what’s done is done. The only thing I can do now is look forward (at least try to) to 2015 and make a better year out of it…. right?

I’m glad I decided to try out regular blogging before the year ended. I don’t blog enough to call myself a blogger nor do I have anything interesting to blog about but that sense of relief and satisfaction I get from blogging is really ♡( ᵕ̤ૢᴗᵕ̤ૢ )♡ 2015 will be a real busy year for me but I’ll try to blog once in a while 😉 

Well then, I can’t think of much to say now. Hope you flowers will have a fruitful day and have a splendid 2015! The world awaits us so let’s go forth!

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Picture by le me hehehe

Thailand (part 1 cause my bum bum is hurting)

Sawadeeka~

Haha, I have been staring at my english homework and being very reluctant to do it so I thought why not just spend the time blogging about my Thailand trip? Haha, at least I’m doing some sort of sentence structure and thinking 😉 I been going to Thailand for the past 3 YEARS annually and since my main purpose there is just to shop (💁 ), I don’t really taking much photos cause really, all shopping areas/districts have a similar kind of look, unless you flowers don’t get bored from looking at buildings hehehe. Thus, this Thailand trip blog will be a compressed version of all my Thailand trips into one! It’s my first time doing a sort of travel blog so sorry if it’s really messy and all cause I don’t really fancy talking/explaining my trip in a day to day kind of format so I’ll just go free style haha. Yay let’s move on!

Ok so basically, my family usually spend about 5-6 days in Thailand. If your main purpose there is to shop then trust me, I think 5-6 days is sufficient. Hmm, I guess I’ll start talking about my favorite place which I only 1 opportunity to go – Asiatique.

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On the ferry/boat ride to Asiatique~

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There isn’t really an iconic monument/place to take, so le me just tried to be artsy and took this pic

Why I love it– To me, Asiatique is like a tiny isolated island filled with happiness. My hotel was in Bangkok so I had to take a ferry to Asiatique. Not too sure how it’s like from other areas in Thailand though… I think the atmosphere in Asiatique is like a more mature version of the feeling you get in Disneyland. There’s loads of rows of shops an foodie places but I guess most of these can be seen in other parts in Thailand. What really caught my attention was the atmosphere and the setting:) Really really nice place 🙂

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Some place in Asiatique where ate ice-cream

I think the first and last time I went was in 2012 so my memory of it is getting a little vague now. Haha, I remembered how obsess and into lolita, fairy kei fashion I was and there was this lovely little shop that made that 2012 me’s heart skip a beat

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TADAAA

I say, this is like a dream shop for me then ♡( ᵕ̤ૢᴗᵕ̤ૢ )♡ However, I was traveling with my parents then and my momma doesn’t know that I was into this sort of fashion and she’d never encourage me to dress up so princess/fairy looking so I was really scared to speak up and say ‘Oh my mama! I really like this and that!’ Haha, it was a bit of a pity then but I guess I kind of got over it already. Maybe when I’m older I’ll go back by myself to get something hehehe. 

Oh there’s one shopping place that I think you flowers MUST GO – Chatuchak Weekend Market

Unfortunately, I have no photo or whatsoever of this place 😦 Haha but it SUPER EASY TO FIND. Oh as the same says, please go on the weekend or you flowers might be greeted by nothing. For those taking the MRT, which I strongly recommend, please stop at Kamphaeng Phet station. The market is so huge that it stretches over 2 MRT stations haha. In my opinion, starting your tour through the market from Kamphaeng Phet station will lead you to more nicer prettier goodies 🙂 So bare that in mind yea! I’ve spent around 5-8 hours here walking non-stop because oh my mama, clothes here are CHEAP AND NICE! Yes so if you’re a shopaholic, please go for a foot massage the day before so you’re on full steam for the shopping battle that awaits you! Hehehe I think I could have bought a little bit more but the strain on my feet made me a grumpy old cat so I hard a bad moody time shopping towards the end of the day.

Okay, me bum bum is hurting from straight up blogging so stay tune for part 2 for the Thailand trip!